To you

This is an apology

I feel as though recently I have been taking people for granted. Unintentionally, but still, I know I have been.

I’m sorry for failing to see the vast amount of support behind me

I’m sorry I never saw it before

And I can’t believe it took me so long to realize it

I’m sorry I ever doubted that there were people who loved me.

Thought that people would never care for me

Believed I was unworthy of long lasting friendship and trust.

Sometimes in life, unforeseeable circumstances occur and they consume you. You allow yourself to become blinded by the misfortune that is occurring directly in front of you, that you fail to realize the different benefits surrounding you. Recently, I’ve been so caught up on one particular thing, that I feel as though I’ve been neglecting my friendships with other people. I felt so entirely alone for the past couple of months, but I was doing it to myself.  I’ve truly been surrounded by people left and right the entire time. They were constantly pushing me, making me stronger, making me happier, and making me better.

They would listen to me cry over the phone

laugh with me until 2 am

reassure me that I’ll be just fine

let me rant for hours on end

miss me constantly

always pick me up when I am falling and never complain

appreciate me for me with a smile on their face

And I realized that those are the people worth fighting for.

Our generation has become so fixated on wallowing in angst, that we then shut out everyone who attempts to lend a helping hand. We’re so attached to our past that we believe that everyone will do the same exact thing, instead of giving them a chance. We push them away and further isolate ourselves. We lash out with anger and hate instead of embracing the love that others try to give to us. Drilling into our minds that we deserve this type of pain when we truly don’t. We harden our hearts when our friends only want to see us prosper. We refuse to show our emotions as if it makes us weak when really hiding it just breaks us more down the line. And to be completely honest, being cold and unloving is not cool in the slightest, in fact, it hurts you to the core.

I won’t sit here and pretend that I haven’t done the exact same, but I’m honestly trying to change my ways.

So, this is an apology.

For being oblivious to the amazing friends that I have in my life.

For refusing to even call them friends because I was scared that they would leave me.

For never saying I love you

For refusing to hug you tight

For ignoring a call or replying to a text too late

For being afraid and making you wait

For being mean when you deserved more

and forgetting what this world is really meant for.

Often I forget to show my gratitude towards my friends for being the amazing and unique people that they are. Acknowledging deep feelings makes me feel extremely fragile and out of control almost. So, I think it’s only fair that face my fears and thank you.

I want to thank you for never giving up on me, even when I begged you to

For knowing when I needed space and when I needed an ear to talk to

I want to thank you for taking a million photos with me

For keeping up with crazy snap streaks

For being tagged in a dozen memes

For always reading my work

and for always being your authentic self.

I love each and every one of you. With all that I am, with all that I can, and with all that I will be. I may not show it every day, and I may have a hard time being vulnerable around you, but that does not mean that I don’t cherish you.

That I don’t see you

That I don’t support you

That I don’t miss you

Because I do.

To the people that have been with me through thick and thin, for years or weeks, new and old; even the ones that aren’t there anymore …

This is an apology.